Monday, May 10, 2010 // 11:28 PM
Wednesday's the last last paper! Yay! Well, well. First time I dare say I FLUNKED EVERYTHING. Every single subject. It's pretty scary. It's the first time I do so badly, hopefully the last. It better be the last. Or I guess I'll really go and die. Kill myself if the disappointment isn't enough to kill. Yeah, I'm still suicidal. It's okay to be pessimistic. I'm super normal. Just more depressed.
Things have been really bad for me nowadays, distractions don't work, self-mutilation the method that always works fails too. I'm still in that depressed state and yes yes yes. Counseling don't work. So I'm wasting my $20 to go. I can't blame my parents for being worried, but it's me that's not opening up. I don't know how to. It goes back to the root in my heart and brain. I don't trust anyone. What happened 7 years ago made me quite sure. Then when I started trusting someone again, I grew too reliant to him, so when I lost him, I was going through shit. Really really shit. At some point of time it was so hard that I already died inside. Now things are slightly better, because I've built defenses, walls around me to prevent myself from getting hurt. Try? Give a chance? I don't think I'd dare to do it anymore. Sometimes being a coward sounds good. I'm not gonna get hurt by her again. I hope I'm stubborn and determined enough to not bother about that.
It's God that really does wonders and sent me a great friend. She was never really closed with me before this year, we were just normal friends. She was just like any other person I know, that I'll say hi to. But this year, she has always been there when I needed her. Maybe she hasn't noticed, but she has always been there to listen to me rant about random things and gossip with me. Make me smile when I wanna cry. Pick me up and strengthen me. We always play together and make up random stories when we're bored, complain about the weather together and most importantly, she made me trust in that word friendship again. I lost that faith for that bond in April, then she's there by my side encouraging me, advising me all the time. She's been a really good friend. That's why the pooh bear decided to become vegetarian and eat honey instead of fishes. Thanks fish! Thanks Yuni for being there for these few weeks. =) THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW! *SMILES AND GRINS WIDELY*
PS. Lalala... Where's my pilot? Fly me to Hawaii. I need to go to the beach now. Haha...
Monday, May 10, 2010 // 11:28 PM
Wednesday's the last last paper! Yay! Well, well. First time I dare say I FLUNKED EVERYTHING. Every single subject. It's pretty scary. It's the first time I do so badly, hopefully the last. It better be the last. Or I guess I'll really go and die. Kill myself if the disappointment isn't enough to kill. Yeah, I'm still suicidal. It's okay to be pessimistic. I'm super normal. Just more depressed.
Things have been really bad for me nowadays, distractions don't work, self-mutilation the method that always works fails too. I'm still in that depressed state and yes yes yes. Counseling don't work. So I'm wasting my $20 to go. I can't blame my parents for being worried, but it's me that's not opening up. I don't know how to. It goes back to the root in my heart and brain. I don't trust anyone. What happened 7 years ago made me quite sure. Then when I started trusting someone again, I grew too reliant to him, so when I lost him, I was going through shit. Really really shit. At some point of time it was so hard that I already died inside. Now things are slightly better, because I've built defenses, walls around me to prevent myself from getting hurt. Try? Give a chance? I don't think I'd dare to do it anymore. Sometimes being a coward sounds good. I'm not gonna get hurt by her again. I hope I'm stubborn and determined enough to not bother about that.
It's God that really does wonders and sent me a great friend. She was never really closed with me before this year, we were just normal friends. She was just like any other person I know, that I'll say hi to. But this year, she has always been there when I needed her. Maybe she hasn't noticed, but she has always been there to listen to me rant about random things and gossip with me. Make me smile when I wanna cry. Pick me up and strengthen me. We always play together and make up random stories when we're bored, complain about the weather together and most importantly, she made me trust in that word friendship again. I lost that faith for that bond in April, then she's there by my side encouraging me, advising me all the time. She's been a really good friend. That's why the pooh bear decided to become vegetarian and eat honey instead of fishes. Thanks fish! Thanks Yuni for being there for these few weeks. =) THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW! *SMILES AND GRINS WIDELY*
PS. Lalala... Where's my pilot? Fly me to Hawaii. I need to go to the beach now. Haha...
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
