buildings with a hundred floors, spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.
entriesaboutchatlinks
breakaway
a short profile perhaps ?
a music player or hit counter ?
Thursday, May 27, 2010 // 9:48 PM
Nah, I'm just gonna die. Report book's back. L1R5 = 16, L1R4 = 13. Overall average = 68.4 *BANGS WALL REALLY HARD* *WHY STILL HAVEN'T DIE?* The suckiest results I've ever gotten since sec 1. My worst was L1R5 = 15. I should really die? Who the freaking hell gets C5 for english? ME. Yeah, not very save. NOT SAVE AT ALL. Might as well go and die with such stupid results. I can't stand it anymore. I'm gonna work harder the next time round. Hopefully it'll pull my results up. I'm gonna die with such lousy results. I can't even get into a JC with slightly higher standards. Slightly above average. I can't see myself getting 19 points wearing SRJC uniform or going into a poly, with the course I don't like at all. My goal, my ultimate target's L1R5 = 8. I wrote in my diary. I'm gonna achieve it. Or at least somewhere near there. Not freaking double of 8, 16. It's suicidal to get such results. It's worst having it printed on your report card, because you're constantly reminded that you've done BADLY.
I'm gonna die soon. E flat clarinet is really really hard to play. My lip keeps bleeding, refusing to cooperate. I did manage to improve a little. I can play high B in correct pitch already, better than yesterday, anything higher than high F was flat. It's not good enough. I have a maximum of 4/5 ledger lines about the staff for my score, God knows how long I'll have to take to be able to play those notes. I guess by than my lips will be very bloody. I'm freaking stressed out. The last time I have had my notes this falt was when I was in sec 1. I feel so freaking useless. Damn it.
I'm tired of it all. I left, I needed the quietness. I tried to distract myself. I tried to busy myself with things, drowning that voice deep inside. I stayed back for every other reason, just to not be alone. I don't wanna think. If I'm alone, that voice will speak to me. I don't want to hear it. It's too much pain. Too much pain to even remember. I tried, but failed. I tried to stay back every single time I had a chance. Today, I stayed, but things only got worse. Why must you appear? Why? Yes, I'm feeling shitty. More than shitty. Worse than ever. My mood's at its bottom most. I need you there. I want you to be there. Truth and reality says that NO. You won't fucking be there anymore. Why do you have to appear at such great timings? When I need you, but I'll never get you. Try how sucky it feels. You haven't got a bloody clue how I feel or ever felt. That explains it well. You HAVE to delete my number. Avoid me. Be aloof. But when I walk pass you with my friends and did not notice you, you steal a glance and stared. I may be horribly unaware of my surrounding and partially blind, but they aren't. Why do you have to contradict yourself? Do you care or not? I DON'T THINK SO? What's the point of scolding you here? It doesn't change anything. You're torturing me. I know that pretty well. But with all these, I still love you. I still want you. What a stupid moronic idiot? Yeah. I know that. I'm angry with myself. Why can't I just let go? I'm killing myself. I should die now. Faster. FUCKMYLIFE.
PS. Simple words, ILOVEYOU.
Thursday, May 27, 2010 // 9:48 PM
Nah, I'm just gonna die. Report book's back. L1R5 = 16, L1R4 = 13. Overall average = 68.4 *BANGS WALL REALLY HARD* *WHY STILL HAVEN'T DIE?* The suckiest results I've ever gotten since sec 1. My worst was L1R5 = 15. I should really die? Who the freaking hell gets C5 for english? ME. Yeah, not very save. NOT SAVE AT ALL. Might as well go and die with such stupid results. I can't stand it anymore. I'm gonna work harder the next time round. Hopefully it'll pull my results up. I'm gonna die with such lousy results. I can't even get into a JC with slightly higher standards. Slightly above average. I can't see myself getting 19 points wearing SRJC uniform or going into a poly, with the course I don't like at all. My goal, my ultimate target's L1R5 = 8. I wrote in my diary. I'm gonna achieve it. Or at least somewhere near there. Not freaking double of 8, 16. It's suicidal to get such results. It's worst having it printed on your report card, because you're constantly reminded that you've done BADLY.
I'm gonna die soon. E flat clarinet is really really hard to play. My lip keeps bleeding, refusing to cooperate. I did manage to improve a little. I can play high B in correct pitch already, better than yesterday, anything higher than high F was flat. It's not good enough. I have a maximum of 4/5 ledger lines about the staff for my score, God knows how long I'll have to take to be able to play those notes. I guess by than my lips will be very bloody. I'm freaking stressed out. The last time I have had my notes this falt was when I was in sec 1. I feel so freaking useless. Damn it.
I'm tired of it all. I left, I needed the quietness. I tried to distract myself. I tried to busy myself with things, drowning that voice deep inside. I stayed back for every other reason, just to not be alone. I don't wanna think. If I'm alone, that voice will speak to me. I don't want to hear it. It's too much pain. Too much pain to even remember. I tried, but failed. I tried to stay back every single time I had a chance. Today, I stayed, but things only got worse. Why must you appear? Why? Yes, I'm feeling shitty. More than shitty. Worse than ever. My mood's at its bottom most. I need you there. I want you to be there. Truth and reality says that NO. You won't fucking be there anymore. Why do you have to appear at such great timings? When I need you, but I'll never get you. Try how sucky it feels. You haven't got a bloody clue how I feel or ever felt. That explains it well. You HAVE to delete my number. Avoid me. Be aloof. But when I walk pass you with my friends and did not notice you, you steal a glance and stared. I may be horribly unaware of my surrounding and partially blind, but they aren't. Why do you have to contradict yourself? Do you care or not? I DON'T THINK SO? What's the point of scolding you here? It doesn't change anything. You're torturing me. I know that pretty well. But with all these, I still love you. I still want you. What a stupid moronic idiot? Yeah. I know that. I'm angry with myself. Why can't I just let go? I'm killing myself. I should die now. Faster. FUCKMYLIFE.
PS. Simple words, ILOVEYOU.
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
dreaming of what could be,
and if i'll end up happy, i will pray.
wanna feel the warm breeze,
sleep under a palm tree, feel the rush of the ocean.
