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buildings with a hundred floors,
spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.

entries about chat links



breakaway
a short profile perhaps ?
a music player or hit counter ?
Monday, May 24, 2010 // 10:58 PM

It sucks. It really does. I'm feeling floaty, but it's the fever and migraine that kills. I feel warm all over. For someone with low temperature like me, having normal temperature already sucks, then now the high one? It kills. Oh, so today was not a good day. Spend most of my time sleeping, the only thing productive was piano lesson.

Yeah, yeah. I wanna marry Dougie Poynter, too bad he's with Frankie Sandford now. I can just go cry in my closet. New obsessions, Martin Johnson and Paul DiGiovanni from Boys like Girls. Lead singer and Lead guitarist. Paul's just cute, Martin's hot. Paul makes me want him oh so bad it hurts. I'm too into pop/rock/pop punk music. Whatever. I love it too much that I don't think I'm supposed to be a girl. Only guys go mad about them. It explains why I hit off with all the J&G gang boys so well. All crazy about the same type of music. I love it when they just randomly jam on the bus for fun. I won't need to blast music from my iPod that way. Safe battery.

I'm missing out a lot on life. I know. I'm shunning away from everyone. I prefer being along and I'm weirder than usual, not that I'm not weird enough. I better do something before Desiree and the girls start thinking I'm mad and the boys thinking I'm desperate for company. I keep thinking why, but I guess I just need time. Obviously 4 months wasn't enough. Fuck, but yeah. It's the truth. I should die. Nobody takes so long. Nobody, but me. Not very comforting.

I owe an apology for those who have been there since long ago. I promised to get back on my feet. I promised to forget, kick him out of my hard. The promises that I never intended to break. All broken. I don't blame G to be angry with me. I did promise those things. I want them to happen. To not be broken, but it just doesn't go away. My brain says yes, chases it out but it is deeply rooted in my heart. SUCKS.

I'm gonna gonna learn guitar and take it seriously. Hopefully I won't give up that easily again. Self-teaching sucks, but good distraction. I can't even find one freaking guide book in 2 Popular bookstores. FTW. Pissed me off. Luck is gonna get better. I'll go to a bigger one. I must master playing it by this year. I don't care.

PS. You still drive me crazy until now.