Sunday, May 16, 2010 // 11:18 PM
I'm listening to lyphard melody. It makes me feel like someone out there is experiencing the same thing as I am. Well, nobody ever understands the true meaning of the word solitude. I guess everyone goes mad before that. I know why.
I'm losing my sanity when all the stress is kinda gone. Examination stress, at the least is gone. That isn't good at all. I have nothing to keep my mind occupied and not think of somethings. No more blockage in my brain in front of those fearful memories. In the midst of all those mundane life happenings called memories, a lot of it at the back hurts a lot. Nobody fails as much as I. It makes me wonder why I'm such a loser in life sometimes. Nobody has been played as many times as I had been. So haha... Sad to be me? Maybe, but it's just me. I haven't got a choice have I? I don't get to choose the type of people I meet in life. Maybe they weren't assholes until they meet me. I don't really care.
I miss the old times, where I can run all free. I hate school like I've hated it since young. I haven't liked it ever before, only when my boyfriend is my schoolmate, then yeah. I LOVE SCHOOL. But too bad. There's no more to it is there? Smile the past goodbye, 'cause it's already gone before you know it is. I missed the times where I could be stupid and dumb al I want, because nobody would wanna come and hurt me. It suck, every time major changes takes place in me, it's because of a guy. I never tied french twist because of a guy. I stop tying french plaits because of a guy. I cut my hair short because of a guy. How dumb? I guess no girl would ever need to put in so much effort to forget someone. What's the worst part? She fails even after so much effort is put in. I feel so stupid. I miss my long hair. I would have it pretty long by now if I haven't cut it short. Remember how ugly I look for a few years, I'm always different with different people. I'll look ugly if you're unimportant. That's how stupid I look in school. I still love the time when I was 12, nobody recognises me when I'm out of school/church/choir. It's fun.
Life continues to suck. I've got loads to catch up in band tomorrow because I was sick on Saturday. Tomorrow we're gonna miss E-math lesson, so too bad. I won't get to know my results. I want E-math. I need need to be happy for a bit you know. The satisfaction of passing a subject when you're failing almost every single thing. It really does suck. I wish I won't have to face tomorrow anymore. I hate that feeling. No, it's not Monday blues. It's not about Monday coming. It's about everyday coming. The promise? I feel like breaking it already.
PS. Everyday's hard. I'm finding distractions to distract myself from you.
PPS. When it's finally working, the same fear of getting hurt floats. I don't dare to fall in love. Not anymore. So what if maybe I really am interested in him? It doesn't matter anymore. I'm too bloody scared. Forever is over.
Sunday, May 16, 2010 // 11:18 PM
I'm listening to lyphard melody. It makes me feel like someone out there is experiencing the same thing as I am. Well, nobody ever understands the true meaning of the word solitude. I guess everyone goes mad before that. I know why.
I'm losing my sanity when all the stress is kinda gone. Examination stress, at the least is gone. That isn't good at all. I have nothing to keep my mind occupied and not think of somethings. No more blockage in my brain in front of those fearful memories. In the midst of all those mundane life happenings called memories, a lot of it at the back hurts a lot. Nobody fails as much as I. It makes me wonder why I'm such a loser in life sometimes. Nobody has been played as many times as I had been. So haha... Sad to be me? Maybe, but it's just me. I haven't got a choice have I? I don't get to choose the type of people I meet in life. Maybe they weren't assholes until they meet me. I don't really care.
I miss the old times, where I can run all free. I hate school like I've hated it since young. I haven't liked it ever before, only when my boyfriend is my schoolmate, then yeah. I LOVE SCHOOL. But too bad. There's no more to it is there? Smile the past goodbye, 'cause it's already gone before you know it is. I missed the times where I could be stupid and dumb al I want, because nobody would wanna come and hurt me. It suck, every time major changes takes place in me, it's because of a guy. I never tied french twist because of a guy. I stop tying french plaits because of a guy. I cut my hair short because of a guy. How dumb? I guess no girl would ever need to put in so much effort to forget someone. What's the worst part? She fails even after so much effort is put in. I feel so stupid. I miss my long hair. I would have it pretty long by now if I haven't cut it short. Remember how ugly I look for a few years, I'm always different with different people. I'll look ugly if you're unimportant. That's how stupid I look in school. I still love the time when I was 12, nobody recognises me when I'm out of school/church/choir. It's fun.
Life continues to suck. I've got loads to catch up in band tomorrow because I was sick on Saturday. Tomorrow we're gonna miss E-math lesson, so too bad. I won't get to know my results. I want E-math. I need need to be happy for a bit you know. The satisfaction of passing a subject when you're failing almost every single thing. It really does suck. I wish I won't have to face tomorrow anymore. I hate that feeling. No, it's not Monday blues. It's not about Monday coming. It's about everyday coming. The promise? I feel like breaking it already.
PS. Everyday's hard. I'm finding distractions to distract myself from you.
PPS. When it's finally working, the same fear of getting hurt floats. I don't dare to fall in love. Not anymore. So what if maybe I really am interested in him? It doesn't matter anymore. I'm too bloody scared. Forever is over.
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
