buildings with a hundred floors, spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.
entriesaboutchatlinks
breakaway
a short profile perhaps ?
a music player or hit counter ?
Saturday, May 15, 2010 // 11:37 PM
If I'm not thinking of what's happened, I won' be so troubled, lost and depressed. I wished I get knocked down by a car, suicidal or not? I DON'T CARE. I wish, I wish for that, because that'll either kill me without me breaking my promise or erase my memory forever, I won't have to remember anything or worry about anything that has/had happened.
I'm tired. I'm tired of it all. I'm sick of living like that. I'm sick of putting up a tough front when the truth is, I'm dying inside. I wanna cry it all out. I want to be weak for once. It burns. The hole gets bigger. I can hide it no more. I'm trying, trying hard, but I can't. It's driving me crazy. I can't handle it no more. Being emotional hasn't done me any good since young. It makes me ill when it gets too much. End product? I'm sick now. It all suck. Why can't I just handle it all? I'm so freaking useless. Why can't I just make myself smile like how I make them smile? Why can't I just know what I'm doing? Why do I keep thinking of doing something that's gonna hurt me badly? Why am I that stupid? It's hard keeping myself sane and not doing that stupid thing that's gonna send me through the same old pain again. I'm sick of being myself. Why do I always have to be so stupid? Why can't I just push my way through and protect myself? It sucks. It does.
It's been more than four months, I'm still here at that same spot. I don't seem to move on no matter how hard I try. It makes me wonder what I've done wrong to deserve all these things you do. Your aloof attitude towards me, your constant fears for me? Why? What have I done wrong? You asked me to treat you like your normal friend yet you treat me like your enemy. It's not like I'm constantly pestering you. You think I like being like that? No. I want to move on. I'm tired of it already. I'm sick of it. But I just don't know why I still love you so much despite all these and can't move on. I'm sick of allowing this to hurt me, allowing this to affect me so much. I don't understand why. I don't know why. Am I that bad? Am I that bad and lousy that you have to lie to me the reason why you chose to left and ditched me? All I want is the truth and I'll shut up and go away. Why don't I deserve that truth in which case that will affect me greatly? All I ask for is that little honesty from you for once for that reason for that question. It's torturing me. Why do I still love you? Because I'm the dumbest person on earth. I just want that answer, the real one. I beg you. Please, please. Why on freaking earth am I so stupid? Why do I still love you? I hate myself for that. I don't know what I've done wrong. But everything points back to me. I'm just not good enough for you, not for anyone. Not even for my friend that she has to ditch me all the time. Why on earth do I even exist? FML. I thought I loved you forever and that was good enough. But I've forgotten when he two-timed me, forever is over. I forgotten that lesson learnt. Tears are in my eyes as I type this, but what's the use? What's the point. I've lost you. You don't love me anymore. Maybe you've never even loved me before, you were just being nice to play with me and act like you did. You won't even care if I die. Haha... How successful I am. It's already proved. I really need you now, but you won't ever be here, somewhere near at all.
PS. Pilot, pilot. Please just appear now and take me away. Far far away. To a place called here, that I'll never ever have to shed a tear.
Saturday, May 15, 2010 // 11:37 PM
If I'm not thinking of what's happened, I won' be so troubled, lost and depressed. I wished I get knocked down by a car, suicidal or not? I DON'T CARE. I wish, I wish for that, because that'll either kill me without me breaking my promise or erase my memory forever, I won't have to remember anything or worry about anything that has/had happened.
I'm tired. I'm tired of it all. I'm sick of living like that. I'm sick of putting up a tough front when the truth is, I'm dying inside. I wanna cry it all out. I want to be weak for once. It burns. The hole gets bigger. I can hide it no more. I'm trying, trying hard, but I can't. It's driving me crazy. I can't handle it no more. Being emotional hasn't done me any good since young. It makes me ill when it gets too much. End product? I'm sick now. It all suck. Why can't I just handle it all? I'm so freaking useless. Why can't I just make myself smile like how I make them smile? Why can't I just know what I'm doing? Why do I keep thinking of doing something that's gonna hurt me badly? Why am I that stupid? It's hard keeping myself sane and not doing that stupid thing that's gonna send me through the same old pain again. I'm sick of being myself. Why do I always have to be so stupid? Why can't I just push my way through and protect myself? It sucks. It does.
It's been more than four months, I'm still here at that same spot. I don't seem to move on no matter how hard I try. It makes me wonder what I've done wrong to deserve all these things you do. Your aloof attitude towards me, your constant fears for me? Why? What have I done wrong? You asked me to treat you like your normal friend yet you treat me like your enemy. It's not like I'm constantly pestering you. You think I like being like that? No. I want to move on. I'm tired of it already. I'm sick of it. But I just don't know why I still love you so much despite all these and can't move on. I'm sick of allowing this to hurt me, allowing this to affect me so much. I don't understand why. I don't know why. Am I that bad? Am I that bad and lousy that you have to lie to me the reason why you chose to left and ditched me? All I want is the truth and I'll shut up and go away. Why don't I deserve that truth in which case that will affect me greatly? All I ask for is that little honesty from you for once for that reason for that question. It's torturing me. Why do I still love you? Because I'm the dumbest person on earth. I just want that answer, the real one. I beg you. Please, please. Why on freaking earth am I so stupid? Why do I still love you? I hate myself for that. I don't know what I've done wrong. But everything points back to me. I'm just not good enough for you, not for anyone. Not even for my friend that she has to ditch me all the time. Why on earth do I even exist? FML. I thought I loved you forever and that was good enough. But I've forgotten when he two-timed me, forever is over. I forgotten that lesson learnt. Tears are in my eyes as I type this, but what's the use? What's the point. I've lost you. You don't love me anymore. Maybe you've never even loved me before, you were just being nice to play with me and act like you did. You won't even care if I die. Haha... How successful I am. It's already proved. I really need you now, but you won't ever be here, somewhere near at all.
PS. Pilot, pilot. Please just appear now and take me away. Far far away. To a place called here, that I'll never ever have to shed a tear.
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
dreaming of what could be,
and if i'll end up happy, i will pray.
wanna feel the warm breeze,
sleep under a palm tree, feel the rush of the ocean.
