Thursday, May 6, 2010 // 10:18 PM
Emancipation. I need to be emancipated. I can't be stuck in such a world. It's killing me, 'cause it ain't my world. I can't go on. I'm tired of it all. Tired of facing everything. I've changed, yes I have. I'm trying too hard to separate from others. I don't want to be with anyone. I need to be alone. I'm being anti-social or whatever you call it. I don't care. I can't do it. I know I can't. I can't hate someone no matter how much that person deserves to be hated, I can't get angry. It's all going on inside. Too much for me to handle. I can't throw it out no matter how I try. The only way is the way I promised not to try anymore. I'm gonna be selfish, for myself. I'm not gonna get hurt by the same person and the means again. I hope I won't. Ask me why I'm so weird? I'm building walls around me. I'm not letting anything in at all. I won't want a more scarred heart. I'm 15 only. My heart has already shattered.
People are super interested in my life, God knows why. Why does a fairly stupid girl's mundane life interest you people? Different perspectives? Yeah. A dumbo's one if you're asking me. Who would want to sell ice-cream next time because it makes children smile happily when she herself can't eat ice-cream? Me. That's me. That's me. Well, people always ask me, why you make people smile, but you're like a freaking depressed person? I don't know. It makes me happy seeing people around me happy. A crazy bitch. Yeah, I don't deny that.
That day Ian asked, why do you have such a weird taste for guys? He meant :
Why you'd rather date with older guys than someone near your age (not younger but a few years older or same age)?
Hard and tough question. I don't think I can answer that. Personal preference? We were discussing about choir then this random thing popped out of nowhere because we started on Jensen, ex-boyfriend who is 9 years older than me. People say the larger the age gap, the shorter you'll last with that person. Not true for me. My relationship with him sets the record. My longest lasting relationship, approximately a year and a half. Hard to imagine, I was only 11 then, when we broke up. Yeah yeah. It's unimaginable. But it's fun, when the only person you love has to act stupid to quarrel with you but takes care of you very well. The best part is that I get to sit in a shiny black BMW front seat. Why I fall for older guys? Nope. Old guys to be exact. I guess it's because I'm a really emotionally weak person, and I need someone to take care of me. Okay fine, I like being taken care of. I always need and want a shoulder to lean on. And I find people childish even when they are older than me. So yeah, that answers a big part of the question, matured guys. Only they are gentlemen. Yeah Ian, you're in that category, OLD MAN. You're 6 years older mind you! It answers the whole world's question. Desiree, Jake, G, Shan and everyone else who have been bugging me.
PS. Don't ask what's wrong when nothing to you is wrong. It's fine the way it is because you don't care. From the start.
Thursday, May 6, 2010 // 10:18 PM
Emancipation. I need to be emancipated. I can't be stuck in such a world. It's killing me, 'cause it ain't my world. I can't go on. I'm tired of it all. Tired of facing everything. I've changed, yes I have. I'm trying too hard to separate from others. I don't want to be with anyone. I need to be alone. I'm being anti-social or whatever you call it. I don't care. I can't do it. I know I can't. I can't hate someone no matter how much that person deserves to be hated, I can't get angry. It's all going on inside. Too much for me to handle. I can't throw it out no matter how I try. The only way is the way I promised not to try anymore. I'm gonna be selfish, for myself. I'm not gonna get hurt by the same person and the means again. I hope I won't. Ask me why I'm so weird? I'm building walls around me. I'm not letting anything in at all. I won't want a more scarred heart. I'm 15 only. My heart has already shattered.
People are super interested in my life, God knows why. Why does a fairly stupid girl's mundane life interest you people? Different perspectives? Yeah. A dumbo's one if you're asking me. Who would want to sell ice-cream next time because it makes children smile happily when she herself can't eat ice-cream? Me. That's me. That's me. Well, people always ask me, why you make people smile, but you're like a freaking depressed person? I don't know. It makes me happy seeing people around me happy. A crazy bitch. Yeah, I don't deny that.
That day Ian asked, why do you have such a weird taste for guys? He meant :
Why you'd rather date with older guys than someone near your age (not younger but a few years older or same age)?
Hard and tough question. I don't think I can answer that. Personal preference? We were discussing about choir then this random thing popped out of nowhere because we started on Jensen, ex-boyfriend who is 9 years older than me. People say the larger the age gap, the shorter you'll last with that person. Not true for me. My relationship with him sets the record. My longest lasting relationship, approximately a year and a half. Hard to imagine, I was only 11 then, when we broke up. Yeah yeah. It's unimaginable. But it's fun, when the only person you love has to act stupid to quarrel with you but takes care of you very well. The best part is that I get to sit in a shiny black BMW front seat. Why I fall for older guys? Nope. Old guys to be exact. I guess it's because I'm a really emotionally weak person, and I need someone to take care of me. Okay fine, I like being taken care of. I always need and want a shoulder to lean on. And I find people childish even when they are older than me. So yeah, that answers a big part of the question, matured guys. Only they are gentlemen. Yeah Ian, you're in that category, OLD MAN. You're 6 years older mind you! It answers the whole world's question. Desiree, Jake, G, Shan and everyone else who have been bugging me.
PS. Don't ask what's wrong when nothing to you is wrong. It's fine the way it is because you don't care. From the start.
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
