buildings with a hundred floors, spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.
entriesaboutchatlinks
breakaway
a short profile perhaps ?
a music player or hit counter ?
Monday, April 19, 2010 // 10:58 PM
It's getting harder. I've made the same mistake twice, not exactly identical, but it involves hurting someone. I've never forgiven myself for that first time, neither am I gonna forgive myself for the second time. It just makes me conclude that I'm an ass. I can't understand anything I'm doing anymore.
Well, today was really a bad bad day. I almost died in school. I was damn tired. I almost fainted in the toilet today. Went to vomit, and ended up sitting on the floor stoning because I simply have no strength to stand up. It wasn't fun. It was disgusting. Thank God the freaking cubicle was quite clean and it was dry. I almost died during class, not because it's fucking boring, but I was fucking distracted and I was feeling like shit. I was thinking about what's gonna happen a few short three months away from now, whether I would still be there in class, whether I would get worse, whether I would still be healthy, whether the pain would be gone. It's too hard to think of, but too hard to not think of. The only fun time I had was during Biology, when I was sitting with Clement. At least I did laugh a bit, thanks to his lame jokes. And Joshua's home. My brother doesn't need to stay over. I'm happy. LOL.
I still remember the times, when I was really happy. I won't give up till the end, when the end comes, I always get what I want. The perseverance, or it's just me being stubborn. I'm sick of it. I give up. I want to let go, but it's not happening today. Somehow, I haven't got the strength to push myself further. I don't have anything to go on for, to strive for. I know I'm gonna disappoint a lot of people, but I can't help it. I miss the times when G and J will always be happy and make me laugh all the time. I miss the times where I dance every time I hear Moment Musical in F Sharp Minor. How I used to make J die lying in my arms, how we always sing Mcfly songs randomly when our moods are bad to cheer each other up. But now, whenever they're with me, those two besties, they're always worried about me, whether I'm fine. How they should talk to me, how they make hurt me when they act because I'm so super breakable. It sucks. I want my life back.
It's been more than 3 months, I'm still thinking of you. It's been 3 months, I haven't forgotten anything. People ask, why I cut my hair. The only thing I tell them is, 'I don't know, I feel like cutting?' The truth, there's too many thing I don't wanna remember. Every time I touch my hair, I would think of everything, how you love playing my hair, God knows why. How your head rested on my hair, how your breath touches my hair lightly blowing it on bus rides, since I'm always sleeping on your shoulder. I can't. I can't forget. I always look at you from a distance, hoping you'll look back, but sometimes when you look back randomly, I look away, afraid that you'll see me peeking. Sometimes, I want to believe that you're looking at me from afar too. But I know you're not. You've made it clear. That I don't love me any more scarred me. I remember that time, I was so tired, I fell asleep on the bus, you didn't bear to wake me up until we reached the interchange. Thinking of all these, I'll cry.
Now, I really need you. I really need you to get me through. I need that sturdy shoulder that I can lean on. I need your smile, I need to hear your voice to pull me away from those faints. I need to smell that familiar smell of you. I need you. I really need you. I'm too weak. I can't get myself through this. I beg to differ from what others tell me, because I still love you. I'll listen to whatever you say. You're the only thing that keeps me believing, makes me alive. I need your hand to grab, when it gets too painful, let me know that you'll pull me out of it. Others tell me you don't care, you behave like I don't. I think you don't but I can't help it to bear a little hope, how little that is, I don't know. You behave like I'm a complete stranger. You treat me like as if I've never entered your life, like an enemy. You make me feel like you're avoiding me, you're afraid of me. It'll be over after a short while, I'll kiss this goodbye. I won't bring this with me, I can't. Maybe when I'm gone, you won't miss me, but you'll definitely be happier. But I love you. I really do. I can't forget you. I wish I could go up straight to you right now, jump into your arms and hug you, tell you I love you and kiss you. But I can't. I don't have that right anymore. You don't love me anymore. Not a tiny bit. Since you've said it. I'll have to force myself to believe that you don't. Since it came out of your mouth. I want to tell you I love you, I can't. You're always so near, but miles away. I really hope that you do care still. I want you, I need you, I love you. Just one hug. It's sufficient. Because. I. Love. You. More. Than. Anything. I'm willing to die, if it makes you happier. You wanted to me to treat you like my friend, but you're not treating me like one. I know not how to be your friend. It's painful, but since you're happy this way, then my pain and suffering, it's all worth it. I can never have you back by my side, even though I want to. One last time, I love you very much.
Monday, April 19, 2010 // 10:58 PM
It's getting harder. I've made the same mistake twice, not exactly identical, but it involves hurting someone. I've never forgiven myself for that first time, neither am I gonna forgive myself for the second time. It just makes me conclude that I'm an ass. I can't understand anything I'm doing anymore.
Well, today was really a bad bad day. I almost died in school. I was damn tired. I almost fainted in the toilet today. Went to vomit, and ended up sitting on the floor stoning because I simply have no strength to stand up. It wasn't fun. It was disgusting. Thank God the freaking cubicle was quite clean and it was dry. I almost died during class, not because it's fucking boring, but I was fucking distracted and I was feeling like shit. I was thinking about what's gonna happen a few short three months away from now, whether I would still be there in class, whether I would get worse, whether I would still be healthy, whether the pain would be gone. It's too hard to think of, but too hard to not think of. The only fun time I had was during Biology, when I was sitting with Clement. At least I did laugh a bit, thanks to his lame jokes. And Joshua's home. My brother doesn't need to stay over. I'm happy. LOL.
I still remember the times, when I was really happy. I won't give up till the end, when the end comes, I always get what I want. The perseverance, or it's just me being stubborn. I'm sick of it. I give up. I want to let go, but it's not happening today. Somehow, I haven't got the strength to push myself further. I don't have anything to go on for, to strive for. I know I'm gonna disappoint a lot of people, but I can't help it. I miss the times when G and J will always be happy and make me laugh all the time. I miss the times where I dance every time I hear Moment Musical in F Sharp Minor. How I used to make J die lying in my arms, how we always sing Mcfly songs randomly when our moods are bad to cheer each other up. But now, whenever they're with me, those two besties, they're always worried about me, whether I'm fine. How they should talk to me, how they make hurt me when they act because I'm so super breakable. It sucks. I want my life back.
It's been more than 3 months, I'm still thinking of you. It's been 3 months, I haven't forgotten anything. People ask, why I cut my hair. The only thing I tell them is, 'I don't know, I feel like cutting?' The truth, there's too many thing I don't wanna remember. Every time I touch my hair, I would think of everything, how you love playing my hair, God knows why. How your head rested on my hair, how your breath touches my hair lightly blowing it on bus rides, since I'm always sleeping on your shoulder. I can't. I can't forget. I always look at you from a distance, hoping you'll look back, but sometimes when you look back randomly, I look away, afraid that you'll see me peeking. Sometimes, I want to believe that you're looking at me from afar too. But I know you're not. You've made it clear. That I don't love me any more scarred me. I remember that time, I was so tired, I fell asleep on the bus, you didn't bear to wake me up until we reached the interchange. Thinking of all these, I'll cry.
Now, I really need you. I really need you to get me through. I need that sturdy shoulder that I can lean on. I need your smile, I need to hear your voice to pull me away from those faints. I need to smell that familiar smell of you. I need you. I really need you. I'm too weak. I can't get myself through this. I beg to differ from what others tell me, because I still love you. I'll listen to whatever you say. You're the only thing that keeps me believing, makes me alive. I need your hand to grab, when it gets too painful, let me know that you'll pull me out of it. Others tell me you don't care, you behave like I don't. I think you don't but I can't help it to bear a little hope, how little that is, I don't know. You behave like I'm a complete stranger. You treat me like as if I've never entered your life, like an enemy. You make me feel like you're avoiding me, you're afraid of me. It'll be over after a short while, I'll kiss this goodbye. I won't bring this with me, I can't. Maybe when I'm gone, you won't miss me, but you'll definitely be happier. But I love you. I really do. I can't forget you. I wish I could go up straight to you right now, jump into your arms and hug you, tell you I love you and kiss you. But I can't. I don't have that right anymore. You don't love me anymore. Not a tiny bit. Since you've said it. I'll have to force myself to believe that you don't. Since it came out of your mouth. I want to tell you I love you, I can't. You're always so near, but miles away. I really hope that you do care still. I want you, I need you, I love you. Just one hug. It's sufficient. Because. I. Love. You. More. Than. Anything. I'm willing to die, if it makes you happier. You wanted to me to treat you like my friend, but you're not treating me like one. I know not how to be your friend. It's painful, but since you're happy this way, then my pain and suffering, it's all worth it. I can never have you back by my side, even though I want to. One last time, I love you very much.
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
dreaming of what could be,
and if i'll end up happy, i will pray.
wanna feel the warm breeze,
sleep under a palm tree, feel the rush of the ocean.
