Wednesday, March 24, 2010 // 11:37 PM
I've never been so weak. I've never cried so little, but felt so bad. I've never tried so hard to escape reality. I've never tried so hard to not do something till it's so tiring that I just wanna let go of my sanity. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to care about so many things. I always wanna ask why life can't be as easy as ABC. Why can't people accept what some people do, how some people are.
I've been crying more than enough. I haven't been a decent human for a long time. I've never felt so useless in my life before. I can't even memorise three freaking poems, I had to embarrass myself in front of the teacher who had high expectations of me. I haven't been doing well in my best subject, math. I haven't been doing my homework. I hate myself being like this, but there's nothing I can do to stop this change. Where's that me who never gives up, who works hard, sets her priorities right, never let the 4-letter word affect her no matter what. Now, Melissa doesn't care about her life. Walks lifelessly like a zombie. Maybe I really should die. Nobody cared if I would, so never mind about that. I won't waste resources. I won't waste money and time. I still remember how hard I cried when I received my report card, how disappointed I was in myself. How much I hated myself. I'm far too stupid to be called a human. A disgrace to the entire race.
Why did our paths cross?
Why did you have to hurt me, when I gave you my all?
Why did you have to make me cry, when I loved you so much?
I never thought I would ever be so affected. I never thought I could love someone so much, when half the time I didn't care. I never thought I would allow someone to hurt me so much. I can't understand why I still can't let go. I really ought to be shot to death. I should be. I don't understand why I try so hard. I can't understand why I try so hard to act and act. I don't understand why I don't have any more tears to cry.
PS. When you know you're hurting yourself loving a worthless person (or at least all your friends agree that he is), you'll understand what I mean.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010 // 11:37 PM
I've never been so weak. I've never cried so little, but felt so bad. I've never tried so hard to escape reality. I've never tried so hard to not do something till it's so tiring that I just wanna let go of my sanity. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to care about so many things. I always wanna ask why life can't be as easy as ABC. Why can't people accept what some people do, how some people are.
I've been crying more than enough. I haven't been a decent human for a long time. I've never felt so useless in my life before. I can't even memorise three freaking poems, I had to embarrass myself in front of the teacher who had high expectations of me. I haven't been doing well in my best subject, math. I haven't been doing my homework. I hate myself being like this, but there's nothing I can do to stop this change. Where's that me who never gives up, who works hard, sets her priorities right, never let the 4-letter word affect her no matter what. Now, Melissa doesn't care about her life. Walks lifelessly like a zombie. Maybe I really should die. Nobody cared if I would, so never mind about that. I won't waste resources. I won't waste money and time. I still remember how hard I cried when I received my report card, how disappointed I was in myself. How much I hated myself. I'm far too stupid to be called a human. A disgrace to the entire race.
Why did our paths cross?
Why did you have to hurt me, when I gave you my all?
Why did you have to make me cry, when I loved you so much?
I never thought I would ever be so affected. I never thought I could love someone so much, when half the time I didn't care. I never thought I would allow someone to hurt me so much. I can't understand why I still can't let go. I really ought to be shot to death. I should be. I don't understand why I try so hard. I can't understand why I try so hard to act and act. I don't understand why I don't have any more tears to cry.
PS. When you know you're hurting yourself loving a worthless person (or at least all your friends agree that he is), you'll understand what I mean.
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
