Friday, March 12, 2010 // 10:05 PM
I'm so super stressed out. I can't get any of those musical terms into my brain and the examination is just tomorrow. Tomorrow morning! I'm so screwed. I'm super unprepared. I'm already having butterflies in my tummy.
Today isn't a good day. Broke down before I even got my results and broke down again after I got my report book. I can't can't accept the fact that I've done so so freaking badly. I'm not good at anything, I'm resigned to that fact. I've got my fill of alcohol. Whisky and white wine. Yeah, insane. Just a day before an examination I paid $108 to sit for. I'm insane. Sanity isn't something that belongs to my brain. Not anymore.
It's just not me anymore. I missed the touch of love, my favourite scents of roses and strawberries, the smiles I used to wear on my face, the taste of food, the tears of happiness. All these, I've lost. It's been so long, and I still sit here, not being able to accept a fact that I should have long accepted. Everything just adds up to every single painful memory. How useless my pair of hands are, my brain isn't function properly. I can't protect those I should. I can't even keep the one I love. I really missed how happy I could be no matter what stand in front of me. I miss how I smile. I may never do it again. I mayn't be able to protect those around from those ugly things. I'm only capable of hurting them now. I can't forget that weary face in front of me, I can't do anything but only apologise. It's all my fault. I'm the cause of it. I wanna run away, call me a coward, I don't care anymore. I don't have any strength or courage left to tread on the path ahead. How many more people must I hurt? Now the only thing I'm good at is gone. My hands are useless. Might as well chop them off. I might as well sleep and not wake up. Two words. GOOD RIDDANCE. I need to be gone. I'm all of it. I don't know how to go on anymore. There isn't anyone that I can open up too anymore. No one will be there whenever I need, no matter how late it is. I'm exploding. Nobody cares. It's comforting to know, isn't it?
Friday, March 12, 2010 // 10:05 PM
I'm so super stressed out. I can't get any of those musical terms into my brain and the examination is just tomorrow. Tomorrow morning! I'm so screwed. I'm super unprepared. I'm already having butterflies in my tummy.
Today isn't a good day. Broke down before I even got my results and broke down again after I got my report book. I can't can't accept the fact that I've done so so freaking badly. I'm not good at anything, I'm resigned to that fact. I've got my fill of alcohol. Whisky and white wine. Yeah, insane. Just a day before an examination I paid $108 to sit for. I'm insane. Sanity isn't something that belongs to my brain. Not anymore.
It's just not me anymore. I missed the touch of love, my favourite scents of roses and strawberries, the smiles I used to wear on my face, the taste of food, the tears of happiness. All these, I've lost. It's been so long, and I still sit here, not being able to accept a fact that I should have long accepted. Everything just adds up to every single painful memory. How useless my pair of hands are, my brain isn't function properly. I can't protect those I should. I can't even keep the one I love. I really missed how happy I could be no matter what stand in front of me. I miss how I smile. I may never do it again. I mayn't be able to protect those around from those ugly things. I'm only capable of hurting them now. I can't forget that weary face in front of me, I can't do anything but only apologise. It's all my fault. I'm the cause of it. I wanna run away, call me a coward, I don't care anymore. I don't have any strength or courage left to tread on the path ahead. How many more people must I hurt? Now the only thing I'm good at is gone. My hands are useless. Might as well chop them off. I might as well sleep and not wake up. Two words. GOOD RIDDANCE. I need to be gone. I'm all of it. I don't know how to go on anymore. There isn't anyone that I can open up too anymore. No one will be there whenever I need, no matter how late it is. I'm exploding. Nobody cares. It's comforting to know, isn't it?
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
