buildings with a hundred floors, spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.
entriesaboutchatlinks
breakaway
a short profile perhaps ?
a music player or hit counter ?
Sunday, February 21, 2010 // 11:10 PM
I'm dying, yeah I am. I really hate studying. That's not some good friend of mine is it? It makes me hate it. What kinda friend is that? Today was really a tiring one for me. Nothing on the books have sat in my mind at all. That's not a good sign, no no. I hate it going this way. Especially when tomorrow's geography paper. Sucks. Haven't done my theory. I will die tomorrow during piano lesson, I haven't been practicing. I can't play properly. I only feel pain when playing now. Nothing else.
Today was much less depressing, I loved the message. Give thanks, a lifelong lesson. True enough. Well, that is one of the main reason I'm so depressed nowadays. I'm not satisfied with what I have, being too greedy? Maybe. Yes. Now, I'll try. Yes I will try to be as happy as I can be. That's all I can do. That's what I should do. I hate my life, no doubt. I shouldn't forget that there's always a purpose behind everything. I don't see that yet. It's very depressing. I don't understand why things are happening the way they are. I don't get why everything is crashing and falling down on me. I don't have anymore strength to lift them up and put them back into places. Give thanks, bit hard there. I should, yes I should try. Take a breath, I'll pull myself together. That's what I should do now.
All I ever wanted was a shoulder to lean on, but I guess it took me long enough to find out that that's too much to expect. I've wanted too much. Reality check, I don't deserve anything at all. I'm too worthlessly useless to want anything. It just makes me laugh at myself and wonder, why is living life so hard? I'm falling in love with living life in my deslusions. Where things are dramatic, yet simple. A place where dreams come true. I'm locked up alone in this tiny place, my own world, having nothing else but darkness in it. I'm lonely and alone, I'm just loving sleeping and living in dreams, wondering when will happiness knock on my door, when's the next time I can smile again, when's the next time I'll be loved again naively thinking all these will happen, at the same time rushing and working hard to live my life to pass my examinations, work hard for the school's glory (for God knows what reason), worrying about my vocals test because I've hurt my throat once again, worrying about not being able to play the piano because it freaking hurts when I do. God, I need to be left alone for a while. I know people are concerned, but I just can't put it all out. I can't fall again. It's too painful. I'd rather not stand up. I'll let life end it all for me when it's too hard and I say, I give up. Die off silently and quietly, when nobody notices. I haven't been talking, I can't open up. Nobody is listening, everybody is too busy with their lives, I should be busy with mine, but fatigue has gotten into me so terribly that I don't have the strength to move on. I can't blame or be angry with everyone else for living their lives. I just can't move on. I'm angry with myself. I don't get why people are strong enough to move on, yet I'm strengthless. I might as well die now. All I need is a hug, I'll cry it all out. I need to vent it out. I desperately need to cry, but it looks like I've lost the ability to cry. The only thing I'm good at. Haha... FUCK LIFE.
Sunday, February 21, 2010 // 11:10 PM
I'm dying, yeah I am. I really hate studying. That's not some good friend of mine is it? It makes me hate it. What kinda friend is that? Today was really a tiring one for me. Nothing on the books have sat in my mind at all. That's not a good sign, no no. I hate it going this way. Especially when tomorrow's geography paper. Sucks. Haven't done my theory. I will die tomorrow during piano lesson, I haven't been practicing. I can't play properly. I only feel pain when playing now. Nothing else.
Today was much less depressing, I loved the message. Give thanks, a lifelong lesson. True enough. Well, that is one of the main reason I'm so depressed nowadays. I'm not satisfied with what I have, being too greedy? Maybe. Yes. Now, I'll try. Yes I will try to be as happy as I can be. That's all I can do. That's what I should do. I hate my life, no doubt. I shouldn't forget that there's always a purpose behind everything. I don't see that yet. It's very depressing. I don't understand why things are happening the way they are. I don't get why everything is crashing and falling down on me. I don't have anymore strength to lift them up and put them back into places. Give thanks, bit hard there. I should, yes I should try. Take a breath, I'll pull myself together. That's what I should do now.
All I ever wanted was a shoulder to lean on, but I guess it took me long enough to find out that that's too much to expect. I've wanted too much. Reality check, I don't deserve anything at all. I'm too worthlessly useless to want anything. It just makes me laugh at myself and wonder, why is living life so hard? I'm falling in love with living life in my deslusions. Where things are dramatic, yet simple. A place where dreams come true. I'm locked up alone in this tiny place, my own world, having nothing else but darkness in it. I'm lonely and alone, I'm just loving sleeping and living in dreams, wondering when will happiness knock on my door, when's the next time I can smile again, when's the next time I'll be loved again naively thinking all these will happen, at the same time rushing and working hard to live my life to pass my examinations, work hard for the school's glory (for God knows what reason), worrying about my vocals test because I've hurt my throat once again, worrying about not being able to play the piano because it freaking hurts when I do. God, I need to be left alone for a while. I know people are concerned, but I just can't put it all out. I can't fall again. It's too painful. I'd rather not stand up. I'll let life end it all for me when it's too hard and I say, I give up. Die off silently and quietly, when nobody notices. I haven't been talking, I can't open up. Nobody is listening, everybody is too busy with their lives, I should be busy with mine, but fatigue has gotten into me so terribly that I don't have the strength to move on. I can't blame or be angry with everyone else for living their lives. I just can't move on. I'm angry with myself. I don't get why people are strong enough to move on, yet I'm strengthless. I might as well die now. All I need is a hug, I'll cry it all out. I need to vent it out. I desperately need to cry, but it looks like I've lost the ability to cry. The only thing I'm good at. Haha... FUCK LIFE.
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
Hi, my name is MELISSALOKQIANHUI.
I’m currently in BOWEN secondary school, in an awesome class 3e2/4e2
I’m a part of the Bowen Military Band
That’s all you need to know, really.
dreaming of what could be,
and if i'll end up happy, i will pray.
wanna feel the warm breeze,
sleep under a palm tree, feel the rush of the ocean.
