<meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(//www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/928333609573604204?origin\x3dhttps://thesimplethingsin-life.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

buildings with a hundred floors,
spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.

entries about chat links



breakaway
a short profile perhaps ?
a music player or hit counter ?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010 // 9:55 PM

I think everyday's gonna be bad from now on. Today really sucked. I slept really early last night. Woke up at 5 today. I don't know why either, I just can't sleep on. I can't dream. I don't want to dream, to be exact. I need to be in control. I'm trying to be. Failing terribly or not, I don't know. I don't even know what I'm doing. I almost slept in class today. Pathetic isn't it? When I'm sitting right in front of the teacher, I still can almost fall asleep. Nothing can make my day anymore. Food's lost it's taste. Sleeping only makes me feel more tired. I can understand the lessons conducted, but it's nothing more but meaningless to me anymore. I don't know how to live my life anymore. I don't know how to run this long journey ahead. Fatigue has really gotten into me. Talk is cheap. Yes, it is. I'm trying. Trying so hard to let go. I'm trying to be okay, but it seem like I'm playing pretend with myself. I know I should, but I can't. Forever is over, I know, but sometimes it's too hard. I need to talk. I need to vent it all out. But I can' open up to anyone. I really can't. I'll just start beating around the bush and act like as if I'm fine.

Band was confusing. I don't know what I'm doing. Saw nothing but darkness for a few minutes. Freaked myself out and start laughing. I'm mad. I really am. I'm not afraid of it anymore. I want to runaway. I can't face the reality anymore. It's not Melissa. It's just not me. Why am I letting this manipulate me? I don't get what I'm doing at all. I want to cry, but my tears just can't roll down my cheeks like how they always do. It's too painful. Too painful for me. All I can do now is to smile and pretend to be okay. I know I'm not, so don't ask me anymore. It's making me worse. Nothing is coming out of anything. How's that? Lisa came back, for once I was happier after band practice in this two weeks. At least something came out of my heart.

Maybe only until today, I really feel shitty. Too much information in one day. Why all these must come today. I wished I was still stupidly duped and not know the truth. It's been a lie all along and I didn't know. I can't be anymore stupid. Why do I have to trust people so much? I don't get it. Every single time when it ends, it's my stupidity that made myself hurt most. Why all of these are lies? I don't get it. It proves a lot now. I don't even know if I should believe you for one last time and take that last gamble. How I wished none of this happened. Reality is a simple pain.