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buildings with a hundred floors,
spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.

entries about chat links



breakaway
a short profile perhaps ?
a music player or hit counter ?
Monday, January 18, 2010 // 10:44 PM

Boring days to come. Nobody to quarrel with at home. Bro's going to Genting tomorrow morning. I'll miss him, because at least quarreling keeps me occupied and I won't think so much. Not the crap that I should think about, at least. I'm kinda shutting myself down. I'm closing up, there will soon be no gaps between me and the world, I'll just lock myself up and keep myself safe for a while. Things got too carried away till the extend that I haven't noticed it changing. I don't want to risk another time. I don't want to show myself for a while, I want to keep myself safe, till it heals completely. I know whatever will be, will be. Nothing will change whether I want it to or not. So there isn't any thing left for me to hold on, unless it's the endless pain that I still want. The gambles I made all went to vain. This time, it's the end. I won't risk everything and gamble my life away. I know I can't take it anymore. I won't be able to take anything more either. Being on the verge of breaking down still suck as before. I won't want to see myself falling into bits and pieces, disintegrating into nothing in the end. Love, was when I loved you, but not anymore. It has ended. Even if it hasn't, it'll end soon. I don't have any room for scars. I won't let it happen, or at least I hope I won't let it happen. I'm all alone now with nobody by my side. I can't stand up alone, but that's the only thing I can do. If nobody is going to help me, and I'm not going to help myself, I'll just die off soon enough. My heart is dead, but I'll have to find the strength to tread on the path ahead. Nothing can save anything now. Nothing can help. All I can do is to pray, trust and rest. Hopefully, I'll pull through without making anymore mistakes. I don't want to be alone in this, but nobody can or will help me. Things are different now, or is it just me? I don't know. I just hope that when I wake up tomorrow, all these will stop and there won't be me anymore.